How To Help Children And Youth That Have Been Adopted

Learning About Being Adopted Late In Childhood, Meeting Birth Parents (With Their Current Families), Mixed Race And International Adoptions

Without ongoing support, adoption can be a very complex situation. Adopting parents can try too hard and worry too much. Adopting parents often get worried and clumsy when the children or youth show their special needs. Professional help is frequently necessary to help the parents to cope with their own feelings–which indirectly affect the child or youth. Adopted children & youth can feel unwanted, rejected at the same time they feel loved and wanted. Children & youth can often construct unreal ideas about themselves. These strange ideas, combined with feeling unwanted and rejected by their family of origin, can effect self-esteem, confidence and emotional calm. There is major debate amongst professionals about the nature and depth of the emotional wounds caused by being abandoned by the birth mother. (see Abandonment.)

Learning about being adopted late in childhood:

Without great care this can be a shock to self-esteem, confidence, and can cause children & youth to feel insecure and untrusting for many years or even their whole life. We believe children & youth need to be gently and appropriately told what is true as soon as possible. Adopted children & youth, adoptive parents and birth parents all need support with establishing trust and healthy bonding.

Meeting birth parents (with their current families):

Even when this is strongly desired, this can be a shocking experience for everyone. Without great support this can cause confusion and insecurity effecting self-esteem and feeling secure. It can also give children & youth strange ideas about what they will be like when they grow up. Handled with love, care and sensitivity, however, this can sometimes be a wonderful healing experience.

Mixed race and international adoptions:

Without support, this can be a very complex situation affecting self-esteem, confidence and social relations. Parents of the dominant culture’s ethnicity often overlook the possibly difficult effects of looking different.

First, We Would Investigate	Second, We Would Investigate	For Long Term Support We Would Investigate
Psychotherapy Psychiatry Support For Parents Nonviolent Communication Attitudinal Healing EMDR Hypnotherapy Massage Independent Study Flower Essences	Aikido Drumming Expressive Arts Feldenkrais Music Lessons Independent Study	Aikido Homeopathy Traditional Chinese Medicine Ayurveda Aromatherapy Herbology Nutrition Consulting Support For Parents Flower Essences Nonviolent Communication

On Our Own We Would Try: • Wholesome Pleasures • Bedtime Stories and Chats • Long Walks/Hikes • Nature • Back Rubs and Foot Massages • Replace sodas, juices, sugars, fats, fast foods with water, veggies, whole grains, nuts, protein, fruit, slow food • Pets • Less or No TV, Movies, Video/Computer Games

For Parents: • Make connection with other parents with similar experiences. There are now online support groups available for most ethnicities and races. Check out: www.MedLinePlus.gov; www.KidsHealth.org; www.traumasoma.com/index.shtml (very technical); www.acestudy.org.